11 Ways To Conquer Performance Anxiety TODAY

Performance anxiety is one of the biggest opponents against a healthy and happy sex life. It can become a physical and emotional obstacle that can drastically impact your quality of life—both inside and outside the bedroom.

What is performance anxiety and how can you overcome it to achieve an exciting sex life once again?

What is performance anxiety?

Performance anxiety is literally anxiety about being able to perform sexually.

It can manifest in a number of ways:

  • Premature ejaculation (PE): ejaculating before or immediately after penetration
  • Delayed ejaculation (DE): a prolonged period and/or overstimulation is necessary in order to ejaculate
  • Erectile dysfunction (ED): inability to get or maintain an erection long enough for intercourse
  • Psychological stress in and out of the bathroom
  • Low libido or lack of interest in sex
  • Obsessive negative thoughts

Performance Anxiety | Gapin Institute
Even cheating on a partner or having multiple partners can be a sign of performance anxiety. In some cases, men may seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere if they find they are having performance anxiety with their partner. This is generally the cause of some sort of previous negative sexual experience with that particular partner, often exacerbated by a lack of communication.

Note: Experiencing one of the above instances once or twice doesn’t necessarily mean you have performance anxiety. However, as we’ll discuss below, even one instance of the above can actually make you talk yourself into having performance anxiety in the long-term!  

What happens to your body with performance anxiety?

Performance anxiety isn’t all in your head—although it usually stems from the head. Anxiety is not only an emotional or psychological problem but also a physical concern with serious associated health implications. Anxiety is part of the body’s natural fight or flight response. It’s actually a warning sign meant to help protect us from danger.

Performance anxiety can actually make you feel like you’re in a hostile situation when you’re about to sex. That’s not very sexy.

When you feel anxious or stressed, your body releases cortisol. Cortisol, the “stress hormone,” actually stops the production of testosterone. You need a high level of testosterone in order to feel sexy. Testosterone is the libido-boosting hormone in both men and women. Lowered testosterone can cause a decreased sex drive, depressed mood, weight gain, and erectile dysfunction—all of which worsen or cause performance anxiety.

Learn more about how to naturally raise your testosterone levels and reduce cortisol levels.

Moreover, anxiety can actually cause your blood pressure to rise. This can lead to hypertension and cardiovascular concerns, which inhibit blood flow throughout the body. This means that blood can’t flow to the penis for an erection. In fact, anxiety is often a major contributor and cause of erectile dysfunction because the penis literally isn’t getting the blood it needs to get hard.

These physical manifestations of stress can worsen your ability to perform sexually, causing a negative feedback cycle of performance anxiety.

Where does performance anxiety come from?

Sexual Performance Anxiety | Gapin Institute
Performance anxiety often starts small and grows. It’s generally psychological, where you start to overthink your sexual experiences.

Did I last long enough?

Did I make my partner happy?

What did my partner think about that one thing that I did?

Was I good?

The more you ask yourself these questions, the more anxiety you’ll get. These constant thoughts can affect your ability to have enjoyable sex in the future. You’re too busy thinking about what could go wrong or your partner’s “judgment” than focusing on the fun and pleasure of the moment.

But these thoughts are coming from somewhere… so what can spur these anxieties?

Society’s views of sex

Consider the term “performance anxiety.” Even the wording of that is stressful!

Socially, we’ve started to think of sex as a “performance.” This puts a lot of pressure on the act. It reminds us of public speaking or playing in the Super Bowl; we feel like we’re expected to have grand performances in the bedroom.

Moreover, masculinity standards can put a lot of pressure on sex. When boys start entering “adulthood,” they’re quickly taught that having sex makes them cool. We continue to watch movies and TV where the “cool” guys get the girls and have amazing sex. This starts to condition the brain that sex equates to masculinity.

As a society, we’ve transformed sex from something intimate and pleasurable to something competitive and goal-oriented. Thus, if something “goes wrong,” we can start to feel emasculated or anxious about ourselves.

Porn

Porn adds another layer to this idea of “performance.” Pornstars are literally putting on a sexual performance. Everything has to look perfect in porn. That can make us normal folks—without special lighting and editing equipment—feel a little anxious.

Watching a lot of porn can actually even cause erectile dysfunction due to insufficient real-life sexual arousal, issues of low self-esteem and confidence, and less visual and auditory stimulation. Learn more about porn-induced erectile dysfunction here.

Past negative experience

Negative Experience Performance Anxiety
Like any sort of “trauma,” our minds can build negative associations. If something happened in a previous sexual experience, you might consciously or subconsciously take this event with you into your other experiences.

For example, you had one instance of premature ejaculation with your partner for some reason. Or you had a week where you couldn’t seem to get an erection. You might be embarrassed by your “inability to perform.” You can then start convincing yourself that you have a “problem” and that you’ll never be able to please your partner again.

This is especially exacerbated if a negative experience happens and the partners don’t communicate about it. This can cause men to start overthinking the experience, often undermining their own masculinity and confidence in tandem.

Confidence or self-esteem issues

Specific sexual instances can cause men to lose confidence in the bedroom. Other confidence or self-esteem issues can make a man feel anxious to get naked or please his partner. For example, a man may have body issues because he’s slightly overweight or he’s insecure because he has a large mole near his penis.

Again, these confidence concerns often stem from a lack of communication with the partner. More often than not, these are perceived self-esteem issues not based in reality.

Medical concerns

While performance anxiety is often psychological, these psych concerns can stem from physical problems as well. There are some unrelated medical problems that inhibit your ability to have sex. For example, a man may have diabetes, which shows a secondary symptom of erectile dysfunction.

When a man has these physical concerns, he might start thinking something is “wrong” with him—rather than thinking of his ED as a medical concern. This can then lead to negative self-talk and confidence concerns, ultimately lending itself to performance anxiety.

Desire to please

Sometimes performance anxiety can come from a positive place but have a negative impact. You might worry about pleasing your partner so much that it actually becomes debilitating. You start overthinking about how to “perform” in a way that will excite them, and you end up not having any fun or pleasure yourself. If you don’t feel that excitement yourself, your brain won’t signal your body to physically prepare to have sex. If you aren’t feeling sexy, your body won’t be able to have sex.

Negative feedback loop

All of these physical and psychological concerns can mix to create a negative feedback loop, potentially causing a man to spiral down into severe performance anxiety.

The cycle looks something like this:

  1. Something happens that causes you to feel you didn’t perform “at your peak” during a sexual experience.
  2. You start thinking about that sexual experience and wondering what happened.
  3. This overthinking begins to cause you to wonder if you have some sort of “problem.” This can make you feel emasculated and unconfident.
  4. Thinking about this “problem” causes the problem to manifest itself. You can literally talk yourself into not being able to perform.
  5. This causes further problematic sexual encounters.
  6. This causes even more anxiety, which can push your body into a physically unhealthy state of high stress, low testosterone, and high blood pressure.
  7. In turn, these concerns create a physical performance issue.
  8. So you can’t perform again because of a physical problem.
  9. And then the negative self-talk starts again.

It causes a vicious cycle of psychological and physical concerns.

This cycle can be hard to break when you’re in it.

But you can break it…

And you can start breaking it right now!

 

How do you overcome performance anxiety?

Stop thinking of sex as goal-oriented

Sex performance anxiety
Sex is not about putting on a performance. Sex is not even about having an orgasm. It’s about pleasure and intimacy. It’s about connecting with your partner in an intimate—and very enjoyable—way.

Try having sex without worrying about an orgasm. Tell your partner that you want to focus solely on foreplay. This can relieve some of the pressure and give you time to better explore one another. This can help overcome some mental hurdles moving forward.

Stop judging yourself.

Masculinity does not mean you are perfect at sex. Sex is an important part of life—but it’s not an important part of your identity.

If something happens, don’t start telling yourself you have a “problem.” Realize the event for what it is. Maybe you’d had too much to drink. Perhaps you were stressed from work. Maybe you have an underlying medical concern to chat with your doctor about. Stop overthinking or misplacing meaning to a sexual event.

Remind yourself how awesome you are.

Stay positive performance anxiety
There is power in positive thinking. Stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself you’re amazing in bed. Tell yourself that you’re a sex god. Whatever phrases work to get you excited, happy, and goofy. Just like you can talk yourself into having performance anxiety, you can talk yourself into having sexy confidence!

Moreover, think of all the sensual moments in your life. These moments can be during sexual or romantic. They should remind you of your sexual prowess and the amazing feelings you had during those exciting moments. This reminder can instantly renew your sexuality and help remind you of your abilities.

Eliminate external stressors.

Performance anxiety can stem from other anxieties and stresses as well. If you’re feeling stressed, your cortisol levels will rise, which increases blood pressure and inhibits testosterone production. You may not even feel stressed, but it could manifest itself in the bedroom and impact your sexual health.

Consider what stresses you have in your life. Find ways to manage the anxiety and environment around you. Take proactive steps to reduce stressful triggers around you.

Take time to relax.

relax performance anxiety | Gapin Institute
Sometimes you can’t avoid stress. But you can mitigate or reduce it. Take time to calm your overall body, and your sexual health will calm in tandem. Try yoga and meditation. Try mindfulness techniques. Do breathing exercises, which help regulate heart rate, reduce blood pressure, and decrease muscle tension—which all put your body in a better state for sex.

Working out is a great way to relax and release nervous energy. It also increases your testosterone levels and lowers your cortisol, which can help overcome erectile dysfunction. Exercise can also make you happier and healthier overall, so you’re less likely to fall into stressful situations like sex-related anxiety.

Check out: 9 Exercises To Beat ED And Have Better Sex

Communicate with your partner.

Communication is key to overcoming performance anxiety. No matter the cause of your anxiety, talking about it with your partner can release some of the tension. Often, your partner can help reduce some of your concerns by telling you how they view the situation. Honesty allows you to work together to manage and overcome the situation.

Plus, opening the lines of communication can allow you to try new things with your partner. For example, you might want to tell your partner that you’re feeling anxious about performing, so you want to try having sex without orgasm. There will be no expectations for you to finish because you talked about it ahead of time.

Get a little kinky.

Get Kinky, Performance Anxiety | Gapin Institute
Now that you’ve opened the lines of communication, try new things. If you don’t have erectile dysfunction and can still ejaculate in other situations, it likely means you’re in some sort of anxiety-ridden “rut” with your partner. Share your fantasies or try out new moves.

Breaking a routine with new experiences can help overcome anxiety. You’re not “repeating patterns” so there is less pressure.

And remember- if you tried something new and it didn’t work, that’s okay! At least you tried it. You’ll have less stress moving forward with other experiences.

I recommend trying tantric sex. Tantric sex focuses on breathing and mindfulness rather than on the actual physical act of sex. In fact, it’s not uncommon for men and women to orgasm without penetration! This is a great way to get intimate with your partner without worrying about the “performance” aspect.

P.S. Practice makes perfect. The more you have sex, the more confident you’ll be in your abilities.

Avoid drugs and alcohol.

Drugs and alcohol can actually worsen anxiety and lower sexual desire and arousal. Moreover, drugs and alcohol actually unbalance your hormones, which can lower libido and make it harder to obtain an erection.

Reduce your porn watching.

Porn sets unrealistic expectations about sex, which can lead to severe anxiety and performance concerns. It can even cause erectile dysfunction in high doses.

Remember: Porn is edited. You can’t compare yourself to the special effects used in porn filmmaking.

Seek professional help.

Talking to a sex therapist is a discreet and effective way to help you understand where your performance anxiety stems from. They will look at your relationship and sexual history to get at the root of your sexual stressors.

It is not embarrassing to seek professional help. You deserve to have an exciting and vivacious sex life, and a professional will help get you to that point.

You can find quality sex therapists through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists.

Change your lifestyle.


Performance anxiety and general anxiety often stems from lifestyle. Diet, exercise, supplements, and health choices all impact your stress levels inside and outside the bedroom.

If you want to overcome anxiety, you need to change your lifestyle.

You can kiss performance anxiety goodbye…

And say hello to the best sex of your life!

Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction: How To Overcome It


If you think you might have porn-induced erectile dysfunction, you’re not alone.

If you feel depressed because you’re pretending to be interested in dating or not fully enjoying your marriage, you’re not alone.

And if you would rather not talk or think about it, you’re not alone.

According to the National Institutes of Health, an estimated 30 million American men suffer from erectile dysfunction (ED). It also affects about 12 percent of men younger than 60, 22 percent of men age 60 to 69, and 30 percent of men age 70 or older.
These numbers suggest a silent crisis among American men.

Common causes of erectile dysfunction

A Johns Hopkins study attributes erectile dysfunction to health-related problems like cardiovascular risk factors and a history of cardiovascular diseases. They also attribute it to hypertension, diabetes, and lack of physical activity.

Meanwhile, UWHealth, a website that focuses on urology health, has listed the following extensive psychological and physical reasons:

A rise in porn

So far, I have merely summarized conventional medical knowledge about ED. However, a study in Italy explains something that has puzzled the medical profession for a long time—why otherwise-healthy young men also experience sexual problems.

“A survey of 28,000 users found that many Italian males started an “excessive consumption” of porn sites as early as 14 and after daily use in their early to mid-20s became inured to “even the most violent” images, said Carlo Foresta, head of the Italian Society of Andrology and Sexual Medicine (SIAMS).”

Excessive use of masturbating over pornographic material may in fact be an explanation for the epidemic levels of low testosterone and its associated symptoms. A rise in porn seems to have a direct correlation to a rise in erectile dysfunction in young men.

Is porn an addiction?

Although many think of porn as an addiction, it often does not meet the criteria of addiction as outlined by the American Psychiatric Association. This is true if it’s not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual.

Nicole Prause, who heads the brain research company Liberos and who used to be a researcher at the University of California Los Angeles, explains why it can’t be considered an addiction like drug and alcohol.

“In the case of porn addictions, the brain looks similar to other addictions but only up to a point, and then it diverges. When you look at porn, you get increases in learning and reward… but you don’t see some of the other hallmarks of addiction.”

“In other addictions such as gambling, when you see a cue, for people who have a problem, the brain is more responsive. In the case of porn, with people who say they have problems, their responsiveness is decreased.”

Basically, porn does not have the same physical brain response as other forms of addiction.

Despite this clinical point-of-view, people who watch porn can’t seem to control their fascination with it.

Actor Terry Crews recounted, “Pornography really messed up my life in a lot of ways. If day turns into nights, and you are still watching, you’ve probably got a problem. And that was me.”

In an interview with BBC Trending, Tom (a pseudonym), a US Midwest teacher, said that he started watching porn at a young age, and it affected his interest in sex when he got married.

“You’ve probably heard a saying that porn is great but it doesn’t compare to the real thing,” he said. “When you’re addicted to porn, you’ll feel the opposite. Sex is great, but it doesn’t compare to porn…I had trouble getting aroused with my wife, just because it wasn’t enough anymore.”

What happens?

What are some of the possible reasons why excessive masturbation from porn can dampen sexual ardor?

1. Insufficient real life sexual arousal

Pornography makes money because of its intense ability to arouse—in an almost fantastical way. Due to this overly high arousal factor of pornography, it can be difficult for a man to be aroused by a real life partner. Even if the man feels aroused by his partner, he may find himself struggling to get an erection and experience an orgasm. In turn, the partner feels rejected and less attractive. This can create an unhappy cycle, pushing men to further turn to pornography for arousal.

2. Issues of low self-esteem

Porn affects men’s self-esteem and expectations. Porn can create an unrealistic perspective about what a man believes he and his partner should look like. What’s more, men often compare themselves to the porn male actors. They feel inferior because they can’t arouse a woman as much or perform sexually as well than the male actors in the films. It becomes psychologically impossible to separate the fantasy from the reality.

3. Reality appears boring

Porn allows men to choose and watch any fantasy that turns them on—fantasies that they may even find too embarrassing to share with their real-life partners. This can become a secretive release that starts to separate the couple’s bond and trust, further leading to sexual troubles.

4. Reality offers less visual and auditory stimulation

Sex films often have numerous graphic scenes, and they switching quickly between scenes. This creates a heightened sense of excitement. In real life intimacy, everything is much slower. While there is an increase in tactile stimulation, it’s impossible to experience as much visual and auditory stimulation. This can create a mental correlation of arousal by watching sex as opposed to having sex.

Does abstinence work?

While it is not certain whether or not porn is an addiction, it certainly has a compulsive quality that detracts from sexual arousal with a real-life partner. Is porn-induced ED real, then? Even if it is not clinically diagnosable, it is still a problem for many men. The aforementioned Italian study suggests that a strong link between watching sex films, excessive masturbation, and sexual anorexia.

One solution that appears to be helping men overcome porn-induced erectile dysfunction is abstinence from porn and masturbation for a period of 90 days or more. During this time, the brain appears to switch from getting aroused by 2-dimensional visual-auditory cues to adjusting to 3-dimensional sensual cues. It gives the mind and body time to reboot and reset to normal sexual cues. This method can help restore robust real-life sensuality, and if males need help in achieving these 90 days to “reset” using products from sites like Lock the Cock and many others can allow the male to do so, even if they’re lacking in willpower for the first few days, a penis cage will stop any masturbation taking place.

Withdrawal from porn can be intense at first. Men lose all sense of libido, often referred to as flat lining, but then a slow recovery initiates. After a few months, not only do people recover normal sexual arousal, but also they feel better overall with less depression, anxiety, and general fatigue.

Below are some first-person accounts of this “porn-induced ED”:

Nick: After a few days of brain tantrums (cravings), I went into a flatline for weeks. Basically, I felt totally indifferent about girls, sex, everything. A little voice from the porn beast nagged at me in the back of my mind, but mostly, I just didn’t care. And my penis was very lifeless and small. It was like somebody just pulled the plug on whatever machine provides my sex drive. No libido at all.

Aaron: Even at age 22, I’ve noticed the ‘dead penis’ syndrome whenever I try to quit porn or masturbation. After about 4-5 days my libido is absolutely shot and my penis shrivels up to nothing. It’s terrifying actually.

One participant reported the following improvement in the moods:

Rob: I would go through 56 days of no porn or masturbation and, then, after I masturbated, I would feel off: empty, anxious, numbed out. But guess what? After these 6 months of no porn, I can finally say I don’t have to worry about mild depression anymore. A little brain fog is my only symptom now.

Another reported the following improvement in the return of sexual satisfaction when having real sex after following an abstinence “cure”:

Ahmed: Yesterday we were on the couch watching a movie, and she started kissing me. I was hard, and I knew it was a different erection, an old erection, a healthy, awake one, and guess what? We made love, without any ED, without any fantasies, and it felt like she was a new person I was discovering. Even I felt like a new person. Sex was not foggy anymore, and even after orgasm, I didn’t feel any sadness, just plain healthy satisfaction.

These testimonies, as well as hundreds of others, show that porn and masturbation abstinence can help end porn-induced erectile dysfunction to revitalize sexual vigor.

5 stages of recovery

The recovery process from varies from one person to another, and it is far from linear. However, below is a general outline of the average stages that occur when men abstain from porn and masturbation. While 90 days is an average time, recovery may take more or less time.

Stage 1: A person experiences symptoms of withdrawal and intense cravings for pornographic stimulation.

Stage 2: After one or two weeks of abstinence, there is a slight increase in libido and positive feelings of well-being.

Stage 3: There is a complete loss of interest in sex, libido declines, and there are no more erections, even in the morning upon waking up.

Stage 4: There is a return of morning erections, some return of libido, and a returning interest in sex. These are followed by days where there are no erections or interest.

Stage 5: There are no clear signs of recovery. There is a return of erections, an interest in sex with a partner, and an experience of pleasurable sex.

It is important to understand these stages before entering into an abstinence cure. Remind yourself that these withdrawal symptoms and intensely low libido will not last. You will go through various stages and struggles, but it will help you overcome porn-induced erectile dysfunction and result in an improved sexual life overall. Over time, participants also experience distinct signs of progressive improvement in feelings of well being and self-esteem as well.

How long does it take to reboot?

The rate of recovery from porn-induced erectile dysfunction appears to vary a great deal.

Those who recover within a matter of weeks seem to share one characteristic in common: they have not developed a long-term fascination for porn. Usually these are older men, who only got exposed to porn later on in life. Other men could take from 3 to 6 months to regain healthy erections. Some young men who started porn at an early age took as long as 9 months.

It is interesting to note that today’s young men now have easier access to porn (due to the Internet), and often it takes these adolescents longer to recover. Relapse is often more common because of such high accessibility.

Factors affecting recovery may include:

  • The consistency of abstinence influences
  • The age one began watching porn
  • How frequently a man masturbated with porn
  • The length of time one has been using porn (For many men, years of porn use made the recovery process much longer.)
  • The type of masturbation used
  • The type of porn used to get aroused (The more unusual, the harder it was to get accustomed to regular sex. The brain took longer time to adapt to less provocative stimulation.)

Working in tandem with a romantic partner often sped up the rewiring process, making it easier to get aroused by a real human being. Those men who were open and honest about their struggles with their partners often saw greater results.

Success rate

This doesn’t always work for everyone. There are two instances when abstinence fails.

The most common one is when the urge to view porn or masturbate is so strong that a person reverts to their old behavior. This relapse is common for men with access to porn on a daily basis. This is another reason why verbalizing the addiction and need for recovery to a partner or spouse is essential.

Abstinence will also not work if the ED is related to other health issues. You should always consult your doctor to get checked for any underlying sexual problems.

Recovering from porn-induced ED

If you believe that your ED may be due to porn-induced erectile dysfunction, the best way to resume a normal sexual relationship after a period of abstinence is to reduce anxiety.

Don’t be concerned about having an erection. Instead, focus on developing sensitivity to touch, kissing, and intimacy. Sensual touch creates a surge in oxytocin, the feel-good hormone, and gradually reduces inhibition about having sex. Use these sensual touches to work through the five stages of abstinence withdrawal.

Porn-induced erectile dysfunction is not an easy topic to discuss. It is not easy to identify. It is not easy to admit. But there is a solution. Schedule a COMPLIMENTARY DISCOVERY CALL.