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11 Ways To Conquer Performance Anxiety TODAY
Performance anxiety is one of the biggest opponents against a healthy and happy sex life. It can become a physical and emotional obstacle that can drastically impact your quality of life—both inside and outside the bedroom.
What is performance anxiety and how can you overcome it to achieve an exciting sex life once again?
What is performance anxiety?
Performance anxiety is literally anxiety about being able to perform sexually.
It can manifest in a number of ways:
- Premature ejaculation (PE): ejaculating before or immediately after penetration
- Delayed ejaculation (DE): a prolonged period and/or overstimulation is necessary in order to ejaculate
- Erectile dysfunction (ED): inability to get or maintain an erection long enough for intercourse
- Psychological stress in and out of the bathroom
- Low libido or lack of interest in sex
- Obsessive negative thoughts
Even cheating on a partner or having multiple partners can be a sign of performance anxiety. In some cases, men may seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere if they find they are having performance anxiety with their partner. This is generally the cause of some sort of previous negative sexual experience with that particular partner, often exacerbated by a lack of communication.
Note: Experiencing one of the above instances once or twice doesn’t necessarily mean you have performance anxiety. However, as we’ll discuss below, even one instance of the above can actually make you talk yourself into having performance anxiety in the long-term!
What happens to your body with performance anxiety?
Performance anxiety isn’t all in your head—although it usually stems from the head. Anxiety is not only an emotional or psychological problem but also a physical concern with serious associated health implications. Anxiety is part of the body’s natural fight or flight response. It’s actually a warning sign meant to help protect us from danger.
Performance anxiety can actually make you feel like you’re in a hostile situation when you’re about to sex. That’s not very sexy.
When you feel anxious or stressed, your body releases cortisol. Cortisol, the “stress hormone,” actually stops the production of testosterone. You need a high level of testosterone in order to feel sexy. Testosterone is the libido-boosting hormone in both men and women. Lowered testosterone can cause a decreased sex drive, depressed mood, weight gain, and erectile dysfunction—all of which worsen or cause performance anxiety.
Learn more about how to naturally raise your testosterone levels and reduce cortisol levels.
Moreover, anxiety can actually cause your blood pressure to rise. This can lead to hypertension and cardiovascular concerns, which inhibit blood flow throughout the body. This means that blood can’t flow to the penis for an erection. In fact, anxiety is often a major contributor and cause of erectile dysfunction because the penis literally isn’t getting the blood it needs to get hard.
These physical manifestations of stress can worsen your ability to perform sexually, causing a negative feedback cycle of performance anxiety.
Where does performance anxiety come from?
Performance anxiety often starts small and grows. It’s generally psychological, where you start to overthink your sexual experiences.
Did I last long enough?
Did I make my partner happy?
What did my partner think about that one thing that I did?
Was I good?
The more you ask yourself these questions, the more anxiety you’ll get. These constant thoughts can affect your ability to have enjoyable sex in the future. You’re too busy thinking about what could go wrong or your partner’s “judgment” than focusing on the fun and pleasure of the moment.
But these thoughts are coming from somewhere… so what can spur these anxieties?
Society’s views of sex
Consider the term “performance anxiety.” Even the wording of that is stressful!
Socially, we’ve started to think of sex as a “performance.” This puts a lot of pressure on the act. It reminds us of public speaking or playing in the Super Bowl; we feel like we’re expected to have grand performances in the bedroom.
Moreover, masculinity standards can put a lot of pressure on sex. When boys start entering “adulthood,” they’re quickly taught that having sex makes them cool. We continue to watch movies and TV where the “cool” guys get the girls and have amazing sex. This starts to condition the brain that sex equates to masculinity.
As a society, we’ve transformed sex from something intimate and pleasurable to something competitive and goal-oriented. Thus, if something “goes wrong,” we can start to feel emasculated or anxious about ourselves.
Porn
Porn adds another layer to this idea of “performance.” Pornstars are literally putting on a sexual performance. Everything has to look perfect in porn. That can make us normal folks—without special lighting and editing equipment—feel a little anxious.
Watching a lot of porn can actually even cause erectile dysfunction due to insufficient real-life sexual arousal, issues of low self-esteem and confidence, and less visual and auditory stimulation. Learn more about porn-induced erectile dysfunction here.
Past negative experience
Like any sort of “trauma,” our minds can build negative associations. If something happened in a previous sexual experience, you might consciously or subconsciously take this event with you into your other experiences.
For example, you had one instance of premature ejaculation with your partner for some reason. Or you had a week where you couldn’t seem to get an erection. You might be embarrassed by your “inability to perform.” You can then start convincing yourself that you have a “problem” and that you’ll never be able to please your partner again.
This is especially exacerbated if a negative experience happens and the partners don’t communicate about it. This can cause men to start overthinking the experience, often undermining their own masculinity and confidence in tandem.
Confidence or self-esteem issues
Specific sexual instances can cause men to lose confidence in the bedroom. Other confidence or self-esteem issues can make a man feel anxious to get naked or please his partner. For example, a man may have body issues because he’s slightly overweight or he’s insecure because he has a large mole near his penis.
Again, these confidence concerns often stem from a lack of communication with the partner. More often than not, these are perceived self-esteem issues not based in reality.
Medical concerns
While performance anxiety is often psychological, these psych concerns can stem from physical problems as well. There are some unrelated medical problems that inhibit your ability to have sex. For example, a man may have diabetes, which shows a secondary symptom of erectile dysfunction.
When a man has these physical concerns, he might start thinking something is “wrong” with him—rather than thinking of his ED as a medical concern. This can then lead to negative self-talk and confidence concerns, ultimately lending itself to performance anxiety.
Desire to please
Sometimes performance anxiety can come from a positive place but have a negative impact. You might worry about pleasing your partner so much that it actually becomes debilitating. You start overthinking about how to “perform” in a way that will excite them, and you end up not having any fun or pleasure yourself. If you don’t feel that excitement yourself, your brain won’t signal your body to physically prepare to have sex. If you aren’t feeling sexy, your body won’t be able to have sex.
Negative feedback loop
All of these physical and psychological concerns can mix to create a negative feedback loop, potentially causing a man to spiral down into severe performance anxiety.
The cycle looks something like this:
- Something happens that causes you to feel you didn’t perform “at your peak” during a sexual experience.
- You start thinking about that sexual experience and wondering what happened.
- This overthinking begins to cause you to wonder if you have some sort of “problem.” This can make you feel emasculated and unconfident.
- Thinking about this “problem” causes the problem to manifest itself. You can literally talk yourself into not being able to perform.
- This causes further problematic sexual encounters.
- This causes even more anxiety, which can push your body into a physically unhealthy state of high stress, low testosterone, and high blood pressure.
- In turn, these concerns create a physical performance issue.
- So you can’t perform again because of a physical problem.
- And then the negative self-talk starts again.
It causes a vicious cycle of psychological and physical concerns.
This cycle can be hard to break when you’re in it.
But you can break it…
And you can start breaking it right now!
How do you overcome performance anxiety?
Stop thinking of sex as goal-oriented
Sex is not about putting on a performance. Sex is not even about having an orgasm. It’s about pleasure and intimacy. It’s about connecting with your partner in an intimate—and very enjoyable—way.
Try having sex without worrying about an orgasm. Tell your partner that you want to focus solely on foreplay. This can relieve some of the pressure and give you time to better explore one another. This can help overcome some mental hurdles moving forward.
Stop judging yourself.
Masculinity does not mean you are perfect at sex. Sex is an important part of life—but it’s not an important part of your identity.
If something happens, don’t start telling yourself you have a “problem.” Realize the event for what it is. Maybe you’d had too much to drink. Perhaps you were stressed from work. Maybe you have an underlying medical concern to chat with your doctor about. Stop overthinking or misplacing meaning to a sexual event.
Remind yourself how awesome you are.
There is power in positive thinking. Stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself you’re amazing in bed. Tell yourself that you’re a sex god. Whatever phrases work to get you excited, happy, and goofy. Just like you can talk yourself into having performance anxiety, you can talk yourself into having sexy confidence!
Moreover, think of all the sensual moments in your life. These moments can be during sexual or romantic. They should remind you of your sexual prowess and the amazing feelings you had during those exciting moments. This reminder can instantly renew your sexuality and help remind you of your abilities.
Eliminate external stressors.
Performance anxiety can stem from other anxieties and stresses as well. If you’re feeling stressed, your cortisol levels will rise, which increases blood pressure and inhibits testosterone production. You may not even feel stressed, but it could manifest itself in the bedroom and impact your sexual health.
Consider what stresses you have in your life. Find ways to manage the anxiety and environment around you. Take proactive steps to reduce stressful triggers around you.
Take time to relax.
Sometimes you can’t avoid stress. But you can mitigate or reduce it. Take time to calm your overall body, and your sexual health will calm in tandem. Try yoga and meditation. Try mindfulness techniques. Do breathing exercises, which help regulate heart rate, reduce blood pressure, and decrease muscle tension—which all put your body in a better state for sex.
Working out is a great way to relax and release nervous energy. It also increases your testosterone levels and lowers your cortisol, which can help overcome erectile dysfunction. Exercise can also make you happier and healthier overall, so you’re less likely to fall into stressful situations like sex-related anxiety.
Check out: 9 Exercises To Beat ED And Have Better Sex
Communicate with your partner.
Communication is key to overcoming performance anxiety. No matter the cause of your anxiety, talking about it with your partner can release some of the tension. Often, your partner can help reduce some of your concerns by telling you how they view the situation. Honesty allows you to work together to manage and overcome the situation.
Plus, opening the lines of communication can allow you to try new things with your partner. For example, you might want to tell your partner that you’re feeling anxious about performing, so you want to try having sex without orgasm. There will be no expectations for you to finish because you talked about it ahead of time.
Get a little kinky.
Now that you’ve opened the lines of communication, try new things. If you don’t have erectile dysfunction and can still ejaculate in other situations, it likely means you’re in some sort of anxiety-ridden “rut” with your partner. Share your fantasies or try out new moves.
Breaking a routine with new experiences can help overcome anxiety. You’re not “repeating patterns” so there is less pressure.
And remember- if you tried something new and it didn’t work, that’s okay! At least you tried it. You’ll have less stress moving forward with other experiences.
I recommend trying tantric sex. Tantric sex focuses on breathing and mindfulness rather than on the actual physical act of sex. In fact, it’s not uncommon for men and women to orgasm without penetration! This is a great way to get intimate with your partner without worrying about the “performance” aspect.
P.S. Practice makes perfect. The more you have sex, the more confident you’ll be in your abilities.
Avoid drugs and alcohol.
Drugs and alcohol can actually worsen anxiety and lower sexual desire and arousal. Moreover, drugs and alcohol actually unbalance your hormones, which can lower libido and make it harder to obtain an erection.
Reduce your porn watching.
Porn sets unrealistic expectations about sex, which can lead to severe anxiety and performance concerns. It can even cause erectile dysfunction in high doses.
Remember: Porn is edited. You can’t compare yourself to the special effects used in porn filmmaking.
Seek professional help.
Talking to a sex therapist is a discreet and effective way to help you understand where your performance anxiety stems from. They will look at your relationship and sexual history to get at the root of your sexual stressors.
It is not embarrassing to seek professional help. You deserve to have an exciting and vivacious sex life, and a professional will help get you to that point.
You can find quality sex therapists through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists.
Change your lifestyle.
Performance anxiety and general anxiety often stems from lifestyle. Diet, exercise, supplements, and health choices all impact your stress levels inside and outside the bedroom.
If you want to overcome anxiety, you need to change your lifestyle.
You can kiss performance anxiety goodbye…
And say hello to the best sex of your life!
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How Fenugreek Benefits Your Testosterone Levels
Fenugreek is the unsung hero of anti-inflammation and sexual drive. Scientists have discovered significant fenugreek benefits with regards to testosterone levels and libido.
With new, promising findings, this little legume may be the missing link in our journey towards improved male sexual health.
What is fenugreek?
You may have seen fenugreek seeds or powder in botanical supplements, but it is only recently growing in popularity.
Fenugreek has been studied for its traditional health benefits, but it is only in recent years that it has been linked to testosterone levels as well.
Native from southern Europe to Western Asia, it has a strong history as a medicinal and culinary herb. Throughout the Mediterranean, fenugreek was a staple in ancient physician’s toolkits.
Have gas? Here’s some fenugreek.
Have a wound? Here’s a fenugreek tonic.
Backed up? Fenugreek is a bulk laxative.
The ancient Greeks and Romans even used it for cattle fodder, giving it the Latin name foenum graecum meaning “Greek hay.”
Fenugreek was also one of the first methods of creating yellow dyes in ancient societies. It is also a primary ingredient in Indian curries, contributing to their unique flavor.
It seems there wasn’t anything this little herb couldn’t do in ancient societies! So what about today?
Fenugreek benefits are primarily anti-inflammatory both internally and externally.
From minimizing ulcers, tuberculosis, and arthritis to reducing dandruff, gout, and muscle pains, it is one of the safest, natural solutions to problems that otherwise only have chemical or prescription drug medications.
There is such an endless list of fenugreek benefits for the body that we don’t have time to discuss them all here!
Fenugreek sexual health benefits
Aside from all of its anti-inflammatory magic, it has also been shown to raise testosterone levels, increase male libido, lengthen erection endurance, and improve reproductive function.
Fenugreek has these abilities because it both directly targets masculine sexuality while also working to lower body fat, increase lean muscle, and regulate blood sugar—all of which contribute to higher T levels
1. Raises testosterone levels
Testosterone is the crux of male sex drive and sexual health. Low testosterone means a low libido, low reproductive function, and sometimes even erectile dysfunction. Thus, higher T levels means a better sex life. Many studies show that fenugreek can stimulate testosterone production and increase T levels for two main reasons.
2. Stimulates sex hormones
Fenugreek seed extract contains a compound called “fenuside,” which is a type of glucoside. Glucosides are known to fuel androgens (aka male sex hormones). Thus, fenugreek helps excite the production of these male hormones in the testes.
One study recommends fenugreek seed extract at 600 mg per day as a primary option for hypogonadal men (men whose testes are not producing enough of the T hormone).
It is also interesting to note that fenugreek was historically used to enhance female beauty and sexuality. It has also been used to boost lactation in breast-feeding mothers. Thus, fenugreek boosts all sex hormones, acting as an aphrodisiac for both men and women.
3. Lowers insulin levels
Several studies show that fenugreek regulates insulin levels and manages type 2 diabetes.
Insulin actually influences testosterone production, acting as a barrier to sex hormone construction. One study by the Institute of Clinical Medicine in Bologna, Italy found that insulin levels played a significant factor in effective testosterone production.
Thus, lower insulin levels means higher T levels. In this way, fenugreek’s insulin regulating powers opens up the doorway for increased testosterone production in response.
4. Boosts libido
Higher testosterone levels means a higher libido. However, fenugreek has also been proven to have a more immediate effect on libido apart from simply its T-raising powers.
One study by Phytotherapy Research found that fenugreek extract not only helped maintain healthy T levels, but it also played a significant role in sexual arousal, energy, and even stamina and endurance.
The men given a daily dose of fenugreek self-reported much higher arousal than those given the placebo. This included how often they thought about sex, how often they were sexually aroused, how often they had sex, and how often they had an orgasm.
The participants and the researchers both concluded this increased libido was a direct result of the fenugreek extract.
5. Decreases body fat
Low testosterone is linked to obesity in a bi-directional relationship.
Being overweight can actually lower your testosterone levels, likely due to increased sugar in the bloodstream. In the opposite way, having low testosterone levels can play a major factor in creating a soft belly (since testosterone helps in the production of lean muscle).
Thus, men can often get stuck in an unhealthy cycle of being overweight and maintaining low testosterone levels. However, it’s not always that easy to break the cycle.
It can feel like your body is working against you because your T levels are already so low. Fenugreek is the boost that you need.
Not only does fenugreek raise your T levels as mentioned above, but it can also help kickstart weight loss. One study found that fenugreek seeds can inhibit fat accumulation while improving metabolism, enhancing insulin sensitivity, and increasing antioxidant defense—all of which can help your body combat the buildup of unwanted pounds.
Fenugreek also can decrease your appetite and support digestion. Paired with its blood sugar regulation properties, it ensures that your body is absorbing nutrition and burning off sugar (which turns into fat).
6. Increases lean muscle
In the same vein, increasing your lean muscle will also increase T levels—and vice versa. The more lean muscle you have, the more T you will produce; the higher T levels you have, the more lean muscle you’ll get.
It’s a beautiful cycle! But again, it’s not an easy cycle to enter into. That’s where fenugreek comes in.
A study by the Journal of Sports Science and Medicine found that creatine and fenugreek extract together showed significant increases in lean mass in overall body composition.
It also showed that the combination increased bench and leg press strength, which can help men create that necessary lean muscle.
Another study by the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor found that fenugreek had a significant impact on body composition when combined with a stringent resistance-training program. This means that fenugreek alone will not increase your lean muscle, but it can act as a booster to help your workouts be more productive and effective.
How do you consume fenugreek?
Uncooked fenugreek seeds are bitter and not very enjoyable. When cooked, though, the bitterness mellows into sweetness. They’re so sweet, in fact, that seed extract is often used in imitation flavorings like vanilla, butterscotch, rum, and maple syrup.
The seeds can even be roasted and used as a coffee or tea substitute due to its rich flavor. As mentioned earlier, fenugreek is also a main ingredient in Indian curries and chutneys.
Fenugreek is a natural source of soluble fiber, so it is often used as thickening agents in cereal bars, yogurts, and nutritional beverages. When crushed into a powder, it can be mixed into seasonings, juices, oatmeal, milkshakes, soups, smoothies, and other foods to increase their nutrition and sweetness.
Some fortified baked goods like bread, pizza, and muffins use fenugreek fiber powder in the dough as well. Here are a few of my favorite recipes with the highest fenugreek benefits to boost your testosterone levels.
1. Wet seeds snack
Soak a cup of fenugreek seeds in a container of water overnight. In the morning, filter out the seeds from the water. You can then chew on these wet, soaked seeds throughout the day whenever you’re feeling hungry. They will help curb your appetite and deliver quick spurts of nutrition.
2. All-purpose seed powder
Heat or roast fenugreek seeds in a pan. They should release a nice aroma. Then crush the warm seeds into a fine powder. They’re not easy to crush, so a mortar and pestle is often the best solution. If you don’t have this available, use a grinder and add a little bit of water.
This powder can be mixed into curries, seasonings, and other spices. You’ll be getting your fenugreek without even realizing it! I like to mix my fenugreek powder into my smoothies for an added flavor palette and nourishing boost.
3. Morning digestive tea
Take your fenugreek seed powder and mix it with water to make a thin paste. Add the paste to a pan of boiling water. Then, add your favorite tea-flavors like cinnamon, ginger, or even chai!
Cover the lid of the pan and let the tea simmer for 5 minutes. This will create a sweet tea that is perfect for weight loss and blood sugar regulation, especially when taken first thing in the morning on an empty stomach. Generally, you’ll get the most fenugreek benefits with 500-600mg of extract per day. You can also find fenugreek in certain testosterone supplements, Learn more about fenugreek extract as an ingredient.
What are the possible side effects?
Although several studies have demonstrated the benefits and safety of fenugreek, a few studies found that fenugreek did not have an effect on T levels and sexual libido.
A possible reason for this is that isolating sexual drive variables is fairly difficult. Once men enter the healthy, T boosting cycle, they are more likely to workout, have a higher sex drive, and continue to produce more testosterone. This upward slope causes them to naturally make other healthy life changes, so it’s difficult to determine where exactly these positive benefits are coming from.
In this way, fenugreek is not a 100% true method, but it certainly seems to have some effect on helping men enter into this positive sexual circle.
As with all herbs and medicines, there are a few side effects to be aware of. Because it is so fibrous, it can cause gas, bloating, and diarrhea. It may also thin blood or cause excessive bleeding and bruising for those taking blood thinners or anticoagulants. You can see other possible risks of fenugreek here.
Bottom Line
Fenugreek is a natural addition to your diet or supplements that can help increase testosterone production. It naturally influences T levels through its ability to regulate blood sugar and encourage a healthy weight.
Fenugreek benefits male libido as well by increasing sex hormone production and suppressing T-blocking insulin.
Fenugreek won’t solve low T on its own, but it’s a helpful and healthy addition to other lifestyle changes to help you enter into the cycle of healthy testosterone production. If you want to make a total body transformation and achieve your maximum potential today sign up for a Male 90X Consult. This genetic-based report and private consultation will give you the tools you need to live the life you’ve always dreamed.